Organized religion has always puzzled me. I have always felt there was something innately wrong with it but I could never put my finger on just what it was. I would never bring up this question of why in public because I did not want to be sold any religion. My beliefs were not founded yet and I did not want my vulnerability taken advantage of. I wanted to have an open-ended conversation about why so many people felt belonging to a religion was so important, why going to church was so meaningful, why there had to be a specific building in which to pray, why women were not equal with men in the eyes of the pastors. I have never been to a church service in my life nor have I ever felt a need to go. My mother believes in God and Jesus and my father is an atheist. I was left alone to decide what I believed in.
I became an observer. I would watch my church going friends and evaluate their actions and their attitudes. And though I never doubted that they believed what they were saying I did doubt they understood any of it. I slowly gathered bits of information over many years that supported my opinion that organized religion was wrong. My primary question was always how can so many people believe in the same thing to the same degree? How can all of these people agree with everything they read? I got my first taste of church a few years ago when I was invited to attend the Church of the Living Christ’s Action House which was a series of skits and songs put together every other weekend at the church. I was excited to stand my ground in not blindly accepting any specific dogma, to show off my determination to remain neutral and to take full advantage of this observation opportunity. After attending a number of these plays I noted that all of the skits were about “saving” people. Each one of them depicted a person who had no foundation; prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers, criminals and how they had no direction and needed the guidance of Jesus to be a whole person. Sitting there in the pew I thought to myself, I am not a prostitute, I don’t drink or do drugs or sell drugs or commit crimes…why is no one trying to save me? Why is it that the church is only appealing to people who do things that are illegal and considered vulgar? I came to the conclusion that these people are in search of answers, of foundation, of a “family”. They want to feel they belong. People in such dire straights will believe anything you tell them as long as they believe it will make their lives better. It makes me feel like all organized religion is about is seeing who can get the most members and therefor have more “power”.
I believe faith and religion are personal things that no one person can share in the same degree as another. Beliefs should be tailored to your life and your moral standards. Religion is about a personal relationship to the powers that be, on your own terms. It’s about being honest with yourself and taking responsibility for your beliefs and the actions that result because of them. Organized religion takes the burden of thinking away from you and gives you ready made answers. It distracts you from truly finding out what is important to you and not just to the masses. I am not against Christianity or any other religion, but I believe the only way to truly find faith is to make it a silent, personal journey. I pondered these questions for many years, observed others, discussed certain aspects with open-minded individuals and came to my faith on my own terms and I am still searching. I don’t claim to have all the answers or that anyone else should believe what I believe. It takes time to cultivate spirituality and those ready made answers are mighty appealing and patience is a virtue few wish to cultivate. But I believe it is the only way to live a life of grandness: to thine own self be true.