When my father was a young man recovering from minor heart surgery, he had an epiphany (for want of a less religious term) of sorts. A hospital affiliated minister came around to his room and engaged him in a discussion about God. Somewhere during the discussion, my father indicated that he did not need The Bible, or any other organized belief system, to get closer to God. He stated that he was perfectly capable of discovering God on his own. This didn't set well with the minister, of course. After all, he was there to prey upon the vulnerability of my father in his physically and mentally weakened state in hopes of bringing another sheep into the fold. The minister's reply was one of pity and scorn. "Well, I feel sorry for you," he said. At that moment, my father developed a deep disdain for organized religion.

While my father was a lifetime believer in God, it was always on his terms. Never do I remember him imposing his beliefs on me as I grew up. Yes, he shared his beliefs with me, but he did not impose them upon any of his children -- nor did my mother. Both believed that the deciding a spiritual path is better left to adulthood. Yes, they shared their thoughts on God and the after life, but never indoctrinated us. That, I feel, is a huge mistake. Strict religious upbringings can really do a number on your head. It can take years to overcome, if one ever fully does, the fear, repression, and the negative connotations religion superimposes on sexuality. For those who awaken to a freer mindset, it can be a lengthy journey.

I remember having a conversation with a pastor some years ago who pointed out that he had encountered many atheists who reached out to God on their death beds. After pondering that for quite some time, I reasoned that it many cases it can be explained by that old fear of "eternal hellfire" that never completely left the consciousness. It can rear its ugly head at those weakened moments, just as the small minded minister came to my father's bedside to sell his twisted theology, then attempted shame him with pity. It's all about control. Why else would the authors of the Bible have concocted such an odious fate as hell for those who refuse to accept their doctrine? I can't even remember the number of people have confessed to me, in so many words, that they are pretty much just covering their asses by buying into such a ludicrous concept.

What if they're right? Can I take that chance?

That's a pretty poor excuse for adopting a belief system, in my mind. I'm lucky that at no point in my life did the hell story ever take root and pervert my sense of logic and rationality. It helped that I was raised without any attempt to tattoo my brain with such nonsense.

Then there are those who are merely card carrying members of a religious faith. My grandmother was a case in point: Every Sunday she dragged my grandfather off to the Methodist Church to perform the weekly ritual of being seen as a "good church going Christian." It was all for show, mostly. I do know my grandfather later stated that he never really believed in God, nor the after life. Yet he was always an person who loved life, and lived life to the fullest. Not so my grandmother. She was one of the most negative people I've ever met in my life. Being around her could suck the life out you faster than a car wash vacuum hose sucks the debris from the floor of a minivan. They were complete opposites. Still, my grandfather was willing to go along with the farce of keeping up appearances in their little rural community for his wife. I've always found that rather sad.

Yes, I am thankful I never had too arduous a task of deprogramming myself as I grew into adulthood. Thankfully, they taught me right from wrong without the burden of religious indoctrination -- and they instilled in me the importance of an open mind. Were they the perfect parents? Nahhh, but there is no such animal. As I grow older, I become more of a spiritual person.But God just never figured into it. I keep my eyes open for life's truths, but I never search for them. I've found that the more you willfully search for "truth", the more likely it whatever you find will be filtered through a preconceived notion of it. And usually at the base of those notions is a lifetime of religious brainwashing.

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