Why Kids Become Bullies

It was once believed that bullies were insecure, frightened, children who made themselves feel better by intimidating and/or hurting other children. While violent and abusive homes have long been correctly associated with bullies, it was often believed that bullies, made to feel helpless and small at home, need to enjoy being in control outside the home.

Advice given to the victims of bullies was, "It won't stop unless you stand up to him. Bullies are really insecure on the inside, and if you just stand up to him once that's all it will take. (Has anyone seen the episode of The Simpsons, in which Bart was being tormented by a bully? After being given this advice, Bart felt he had no choice but to try to muster up the courage to stand up to his bully. The result: Bart made the bully even angrier and paid the price.)

Over recent years experts have been studying the problem of bullies, their characteristics, the characteristics of their victims, and settings in which bullying is more likely to take place. It is now understood that The Simpsons' portrayal of bullying was accurate.

Studies have shown that bullies usually have an average or inflated sense of self-esteem. We've all heard of the conceited, cruel, group of girls who delight in tormenting more awkward classmates.

The November, 2004, issue of American Family Physicians, "Childhood Bullying: Implications for Physicians", James M. Lyznicki, M.S.,M.P.H.; Mary Anne McCaffree, M.D., and Carolyn B. Robinowitz, M.D., associate the following characteristics with bullies:

Bullies often have dominant personalities and may be physically stronger than most children. They often have difficulty following rules. They may be defiant toward adults. A positive attitude toward violence, tendency to get frustrated easily, and belief that others will pick on them, are all characteristic of children who bully.

These are often children who are "hot-headed". They may be unable to understand the emotions of others. Often, bullies come from homes where they witness and/or experience violence and/or abuse. Bullies are often from homes where parental involvement, nurturing, and supervision are lacking. Some bullies may have disorders that contribute to their aggressive behavior. Disorders such as anti-social personality disorder and ADHD are examples. Bullies are said to feel little responsibility for their own actions.

Of course, anyone who has experienced even verbal bullying may have seen that bullies can perceive threat when there is none. When they do, they react. With their often dominant personalities, bullies want to be Number 1. While most of us would think of "Number 1" in terms of "highest achiever in class" or "best soccer player", bullies may have a completely different set of values with regard to the trait or skill in which they want to be Number 1. Depending on what the bully values, s/he may see threat in any number of traits or behaviors of others. The bully who has trouble in school (and many do) may see threat from the child who excels. The muscular girl who sees threat in the daintiness of another girl may select that girl as her victim. At the same time, the muscular, aggressive, girl who detests the femininity of daintier girls may attack out of hatred. Some people may even expect to be Number 1 when it comes to things like being seen as the nicest, the sickest, or the one with the most pressing problem. Commonly, bullies may expect to be Number 1 in the eyes of a mutual friend of the bully and the victim.

There are, of course, bullies who want to be Number 1 in areas such as athletic achievement or
other competitions. It isn't always, however, a wish for a trophy. Often, the wish to be Number 1 is just a matter of establishing dominance in day-to-day activities.

Evolutionary psychology, testosterone, and the evolutionary advantage of dominance hierarchy have been associated with the process by which bullies are created.

Belief that bullying behavior is "just kids' stuff" and that boys will boys can contribute to the creation of bullies. A widespread acceptance of toys that encourage violence and violent thinking also has consequences, in terms of violent and aggressive behavior being seen as part of normal childhood, as well as children's not seeing violence as anti-social. Contrary to the belief that bullying behavior is just part of childhood, bullies are more likely to grow up to have criminal records by age 30, beat their wives, and/or abuse their children.

Lack of supervision can contribute to the problem of bullying in two ways: 1) Poorly supervised setting allow more opportunity for bullying, and 2) children who are not properly supervised by parents do not learn proper behavior.

Since their behavior does not win them friends, bullies can become outcasts. The world they see is a world that doesn't like them. Bullies can be more likely to suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies.

During early childhood bullies, unlike most other people, have not developed the normal self-restraint associated with aggressive behavior.

Even if it is now known that bullies are not sheep in wolves' clothing, age-old beliefs that underneath the aggressive behavior lies a damaged and small person are not completely inaccurate. After all, aggressive and cruel as bullies may be, they were, at one time, very small children who never quite learned the meaning and value of kindness; or how it feels to feel part of the world, rather than threatened by it.