For Karen

Wonder Woman woke up feeling bloated and cranky. Instead of clicking on CNN to check for matters of impending doom, she remained lying on her side and stared at the nightstand where the hot phone sat. The message light was blinking red and the display panel told her that Justice League headquarters had already left two messages. She was surprised that Bruce hadn't yet checked them since she felt him get out of bed an hour earlier.

Wonder Woman sighed. She would have preferred to stay in bed longer but the smell of cappuccino from down in the kitchen invaded her senses. She got up and threw on Bruce's tuxedo shirt that he had worn the night before to a party given in honor of Wayne Enterprises' successful bid for Yahoo.

The shirt's last two buttons strained against her belly. Wonder Woman furrowed her brow. She knew she had gained a little weight over the years but was this just water retention or had a few more pounds snuck up on her?

She headed to the bathroom and searched for her scale in the cabinet under the sink.

"Twelve pounds!" she shrieked. She stepped off the scale and scooted it with her foot to another part of the bathroom floor and stepped back on. The scale confirmed the twelve pounds. Wonder Woman cursed and headed downstairs. She went over to where Bruce was sitting and reading the paper and grabbed it out of his hands.

"When were you going to tell me that I was putting on weight?" she demanded.

"Good morning to you too, Diana," he responded with a smile.

"I can't even button up this shirt. I knew my costume was getting harder to wriggle in to, but I thought the dry cleaners had shrunk it. Crap! I even bawled out the owner and accused him of ruining it!" Wonder Woman sat down at the table and put her head in her hands.

"Diana," Bruce said soothingly, "we all put on a little weight as we age. It's normal and for the record, you look great."

Wonder Woman looked up at him. A flux of tears ran down her face and plopped on to the newspaper.

"You don't understand, Bruce. I'm expected to look hot while fighting crime. All you guy superheroes are clothed head-to-toe, with capes AND masks. Nobody can tell if you let yourself go a little. But my hair has to perfect, my face - perfect, my waist - a perfect 30 inches, tops! How can I keep up with these expectations?"

Wonder Woman put her head back down and started to sob loudly. Bruce circled the table to her and started to rub her shoulders.

"Babe, you shouldn't care what people think. You're Wonder Woman and you're great at what you do."

"I don't feel great at all. I feel like Wonder Bread Woman now. My new sidekick should be called Muffin Top Girl," she sniffed.

Bruce threw his head back and roared with laughter. Wonder Woman didn't think it was that funny and looked at him with an annoyed expression. She got up to storm out of the kitchen.

"Thanks a lot, Bruce, for making fun of me when I already feel like crap." Bruce grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him. Wonder Woman didn't resist his grip and let him hug her tightly although he was still laughing pretty hard.

"I wasn't laughing at you, D, I was laughing at what you said," he giggled.

She slowly put her arms around his neck and smiled weakly at him. Maybe she was being too sensitive.

"Besides," Bruce added, "I have the perfect slogan for the new super duo." Wonder Woman narrowed her eyes skeptically at the Dark Knight and dared to ask him what that might be. Bruce began to laugh again. After a few moments, he finally choked out the slogan.

"Always land buttered-side up!"

END

This story is part #3 of my fan fiction series called The Superhero Chronicles which places comic book characters and superheroes in real-life (kind of) situations.

To catch up on this series, please read part #1, Lois Lane Trades in her SUV at:
http://www.xomba.com/lois_lane_trades_in_her_suv

To read part #2, Aquaman's Hollywood Screen Test for Baywatch, go to:
http://www.xomba.com/aquamans_hollywood_screen_test_for_baywatch

Please visit all of my xombytes at:
http://www.xomba.com/user/mia_northwest
Thanks!