Clddleopard's Xombytes

Step 1: In the Beginning
When you are 4 years old, discover that you love the family dog more than your sister. An alternative approach to this step is to decide that you want to be a dog, tiger, or giraffe when you grow up.

This is going to be a series about various animals that have bitten me in my lifetime. You'll probably learn about a few animals you've never heard of, though I'll throw a few common ones in too.

Coendou prehensilisThe prehensile-tailed porcupine, or coendou, is the only animal that sent me to the doctor. Imagine the look on the doctor's face when I told him I had been bitten by a porcupine! (Actually, he was surprisingly blase about it. What a disappointment.) The coendou is a largish rodent that can hold onto things, such as tree branches, with its tail.

Bucorvus abyssinicus
Abyssinian Ground Hornbill: This is what a hornbill looks like begging for treats (her toy frog is in the background)

Alligator mississippiensis
Getting bit by a baby alligator is something that only happens if you are being stupid.

It's really quite easy to get rich and thin. All you need to do is stop spending money and stop eating. However, most of us are unwilling to go to such extremes, so we search the web for the next get-rich-quick or get-thin-quick schemes. We are even willing to ignore the misuse of adjectives as adverbs in our desperation to get more money and lose more pounds. That is desperation indeed. I am here to share the solution with you so that we may all once again pay attention to grammar (and perhaps even spelling, though maybe I shouldn't push it), thus ending terrible writing on the internet and in advertisement forever!

Indian Runner Ducks: Beware! They travel in flocks.
Ok, I have been bitten by many different animals, but let me tell you that the Indian Runner Duck Anas platyrhinos is a lot meaner than it looks.

I guess my mother must have joined Xomba, because someone has actually voted on two of my xombytes. However, if that someone is my mom, why didn't she rate me higher? After all, she paid for part of the college education that is the foundation for the nearly flawless grammar, spelling, and composition of all of my posts.

Ok, so I bet you guys are tired of hearing about these namby-pamby animals that bite me. So, how about an animal that is 50 pounds of muscle, has huge claws, and three inch long canines?!?!?!? Yes, my friends, that's right. I have been bitten by a clouded leopard (Neofelis nebulosa).

North American Porcupine: "But Wesley, what about the ROUSes?" "Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist..."

I think one of the craziest pets you could ever want to own is a Green-wing Macaw (Ara chloroptera). Seriously, have you taken a look at their beaks? They are huge! Their jaws have enough power to crack open a Brazil nut. I can't even do that with a nutcracker.
Green Wing Macaw: Terror of the Skies!: Seriously, that beak is big!

Yet, one of the major problems facing these and other parrots is that they are taken from the wild to be pets. The green-wing macaws that have bitten me are captive bred, so we didn't harm the wild population by getting them, but they still have a very painful bite (that doesn't change in captivity!)
One of the things you learn when working with parrots is to be very aware of their body language, which is different than a mammal's. The way you learn parrot body language is through operant conditioning-- not the good fairy of operant conditioning known as positive reinforcement, but the bad fairy of operant conditioning known as positive punishment. Yes, it has the word "positive" in the phrase, but in psychology, that's not necessarily good. To be positive in this sense means to add something. So positive punishment is a spanking... or, a really painful bird bite.
You learn to read parrots by being bitten when you misinterpret their (to them) incredibly obvious body language. Contracted pupils? Slicked back feathers? Red flush rising on skin underneath eyes? These signs mean you are seriously annoying them, and you are going to be bitten if you don't stop. One bite I received several months ago broke through my fingernail and took out a chunk of my index finger. My index finger has a beak shaped crescent that is alternatively very sensitive or very numb. I'm never sure which it's going to be.
Moral of this story: wild animals don't make good pets, especially those with big beaks!