JJ Schasny's Xombytes

Having a daughter of my own, I was saddened recently when more "racy" pictures appeared online of Disney's newest monkeymaker, singer-songwriter-star Miley Cyrus. Although Bill O'Reilly of FOX News chastized her for doing so at 14 (she is 15), the majority of fans seemed blithely unconcerned.

New York Yankees Manager Joe Girardi has done the unforgivable: He has banned Babe Ruth from the Yankee clubhouse…er, make that Baby Ruth. Yes, you heard me, no more candy bars. Instead of getting fat off weaker teams with sub-par batting averages, it seems the Bronx Bombers are now getting fat off sugar and sweets. So fat, in fact, that junk food and sweets have been removed from the clubhouse. Why the sudden need for a healthy diet? Weight-wise, the Yankee roster comes in at fourth place with their players averaging 217 lbs. per player. But, hold on a second--Babe Ruth had his ups and downs, for sure, but his average playing weight is listed at 215 lbs., two pounds under the new limit, and nobody told number 3 what he could or couldn’t eat. What would the Bambino make of this new decree? He loved his ice cream, and often ate it before, after and during a game. Would Girardi seize his goodies and bench the Babe, thus provoking a new “Curse of the Bambino?” Or would he let him play, since he would be lighter than the “average” player on the roster? Baseball is, if anything, rooted in tradition, and dietary concerns or not, I somehow think the Yanks would have made room for the “Sultan of Sweets.”

If you are celebrating the birth of a newborn, or recognizing someone who is at least 80 years old, the White House Greeting Office wants you to know that if you contact them at least four weeks prior to the occasion, they will see that you get a hand-addressed greeting from the President of the United States. Requests can be submitted in writing to The White House, Room 39, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20502 or faxed to 202-395-1232. Be certain that your request includes the individual's name, title (Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms.), the individual's complete address and ZIP code, and full date of birth, including month, day and year. The hand-addressed greeting will be mailed out one week prior to the event. It's a great gift that someone will remember for a long time.