You know you have termites when

All that's left of your house is a pile of sawdust

When arriving back at your house from work, you are greeted at the door by a large winged insect chewing on a pencil, and he asks to see your ID

You have to put the dining room chair cushions on the floor and bend over to eat your meal off of the table top.

All that's left of the doors in your house is the knobs

You no longer have a staircase

There are tiny teeth marks on the woodwork

Half of your hardwood flooring is gone

All that's left of your antique desk is the hardware and your computer, monitor and printer are sitting on the floor

You have to use the back door to go in and out of the house because you no longer have a porch

Your Danish style living room set is nothing but cushions

You USED to have a wood shop in the garage

It's easy to see what is on your pantry shelves because the doors are no longer there

You are thankful that you do not live in Holland because you would have no shoes to wear.

Your rulers are reduced to a pile of lines and numbers, your pencils to slivers of graphite and erasers, and family photos to nothing but the photo and the glass

Your mops , brooms , and garden tools have nothing left to them but the heads

Your wooden paneling looks like Swiss cheese

Your library is reduced to piles of books on the floor.

You wake up and on your way down the stairs, you notice your usually drab staircase has been transformed into a baroque masterpiece, including decorative spindles and an ornate bannister.

You hear munching, chewing and burping and there's no one else in the house but you, and you're not eating

You hear tiny hiccups in the vicinity of your newly liquored ummm, I mean lacquered floor

Your old chest of drawers or high boy resembles a tenement high-rise

You actually catch them in the middle of a food eating contest on your baseboard

Any possibilities of remodeling are scratched because your ladders have no rungs, half of your tools have no handles and you cannot locate your yardstick

:)